


Losing My Religion

by Killjoy013



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Crushes, F/M, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Pre-Relationship, Teen Angst, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Parker, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17548319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killjoy013/pseuds/Killjoy013
Summary: Peter wishes he could stop thinking about her. He really does but who could stop thinking about someone as amazing as MJ? But she doesn't like him but Peter can't blame her. Baby angst





	Losing My Religion

**Author's Note:**

> Made this all in one sitting and didn't edit it. I Just listened to sad songs about love and let my finger fly on the keyboard so this might not make any sense what so ever.

  _Losing My Religion_

* * *

 

Peter Parker sat on the rooftop of his and May's apartment with his hands over his face. His shirt was under him and his binder was neatly folded on the chair. His chest bared and his parallel scars seemed to stand out in the moonlight and heightened by his senses. But the other bruises and cuts stood out on his pale skin as he swung his legs over the edge. Peter pulled his hands away and stared at the deep cuts on his palm.

Peter Parker had a long fucking day.

Patrol the night before went on longer than it should, apparently, villains were stealing school buses now, he left his lunch at home and had to stay in the long ass line for the vending machines. Then, oh this is the kicker, Ned had said something about MJ. It was a throwaway comment that sucker-punched him worse than Kingpin ever could.

"So, what's going on there 'tween you and MJ?"

Peter had looked up from his bland sub with not enough mayo and way too many pickles, "What you mean?"

"You like her, right?"

Peter nearly choked on the stale bread. He waved it off but it kept coming back into his mind. Ned had said it aloud and let it hang in the air while Peter whispered it to himself in the dead of night and denied it in the morning. Denied the stutter around her and her only. Denied a feeling he was afraid to name but it was there. Festering in the form of the butterflies in his chest when MJ actually laughs and smiles when Peter falls or runs into something. His eyes couldn't help flicker to MJ and Peter would have to scold himself for being a creep. So he left school in a hurry and went on patrol to clear his mind of soft smiles and beautiful coffee eyes.

He had to fight a wannabe supervillain that called himself Wrath. The guy was a LARPer who had been obsessed with some relic that would give him 'strength and might beyond man'. Turns out it's real and probably ancient alien tech that a Viking used and was buried with. Wrath, Karen had informed his real was Jeremy A. Redstein but Wrath was better than Jeremy anyway, had put up a fuss when Peter tried to stop him from killing people go figure. Wrath had kicked his ass and then vanished. So, all in all, shitty day.

He went to grab his phone and then stopped himself. He wants to talk to MJ. Wants to hear her voice and let it warm him all the way to his toes.

Peter just couldn't pick an easy crush. It had to MJ. It just had to. And as much as he wanted to push it all down, put in his trashcan brain and stomp down on it like he does when the trash is full but he doesn't want to go dump it. But, of course, it wasn't that easy. It never is in Peter's life.

Shit.

And at the same time, it had to be her. Peter liked her way before his brain cells started working. She was so her. So outspoken in actions more than words. So effortless a force of nature. So...MJ. Peter felt a loss of words when he tried to describe MJ and do her justice. Yes, she was aloof and efficient at it but she was so incredibly smart and never bragged about it. She didn't ask questions Peter didn't want to answer. Peter felt like he was in a car that suddenly went from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds when she was around.

He sighed and stared up at the pitch black sky.

Stupid, stupid crush. That's it. It'll go away. Maybe it's because he's around her all the time and society tells him that boys and girls can't be just friends and definitely not the spray of faint freckles across her face and the way her mouth falls into a smirk or smile whenever she's talking to him about something they're both into or the way her hair falls past her shoulders in a flawless way every time no matter what or-

Peter shakes his head and hits the side of head lightly as to flush the thoughts out his brain like pulling the drain in the bathtub before it overflows and floods to his big mouth. It never works though. She always comes back in his head. Peter hugs himself and squeezes as he debates.

He can't. It'll ruin their budding friendship with his stupid feelings. He'd be putting MJ in danger because of his alter ego in tights by having her closer than before. Not to mention that Peter dealt with rejection by avoiding said person and tried for forget until it works and he couldn't exactly do that. Or he could just start avoiding her right now but that wouldn't work either. MJ would hunt him down and then what would he say? What would he do? Tell her some bullshit excuse or the truth and either way it would go as badly as Peter's other attempts at relationships. At least he wouldn't have to arrest MJ's dad.

He groaned. Ned knew too and it was only a matter of time before he says something again. His spider-sense went off like a pinch to the neck mere seconds before his phone rung.

Shit.

Fuck.

It was her. He stared at it for a while to test if fate or god or the stars hated him that much. Then he answered.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah. Why?"

"I saw the fight. You took a beating."

"Had him on the ropes."

"That's what that was?"

"Yes, ma'am. Was it really that bad for you to call me?"

"No, I was just wondering why you missed the meeting."

"Shit, that's tonight?"

"It was today. Don't worry, I'll cut you some slack."

Peter smiled, "Thank you. I'll have to pay you back somehow."

"Don't mention it. You felt school pretty quickly."

"Yeah. Had somon-somethings on my mind."

"Penny for thoughts?"

Peter's words caught in his throat. He could say it and have it be down with. He could say it and then hang up and hole up in his room.

"They're worth less than that, I'm afraid." He laughed lightly.

"You sure?"

Peter opened his mouth before clamping it shut. He pushed the butterflies deep within him. Maybe in another lifetime.

"Postive. Good night, Michelle."

"O-okay, Night, Peter."

MJ frowned as the call ended. She pressed the phone to her heart with a soft sigh. Michelle? Why, all of a sudden, would Peter say that? Maybe he was just tired but it felt like it was intentional with the way it forced out his mouth.

"What are you so afraid of? I should've said something." She chided herself in the dark of her room. She recently put her phone on her nightstand to charge. She closed her eyes and imagined the way Peter's face would contort to confusion and then he let her down as gently as he could, trying to defuse the situation and make it less awkward. That's why. Peter didn't like her, he was probably still trying to figure her and get used to her as a friend and not as a stupid, stupid crush. It would be dumb to taint their friendship now especially with feelings.

Maybe in another lifetime.

* * *

_life is bigger It's bigger_   
_Than you and you are not me_   
_The lengths that I will go to_   
_The distance in your eyes_   
_Oh no, I've said too much_   
_I set it up_

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know if you liked this with kudos and comments, really love comments and if you would like me to make something like this again. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Be good people. KJ out!


End file.
